The Perfect Mum.
I was talking to a friend last week about our daughter's love of My Little Pony. The conversation moved on to the TV programme and her response was I don't let her watch Netflix. I know some Mum don't let their children watch TV, but I knew that wasn't the case, so I asked why? She admitted the reason she doesn't let her watch it is because she worries, she will be judged. She explained she feels she is constantly criticised for how she parents and it has made her so anxious about her choices she will only let her watch Peppa Pig. It got me wondering, how much of how we parent is made up from fear of being a "bad Mum"?
The moment you become a mother, you are fair game on the advice front. Everyone has an opinion on child-rearing, and everyone imagines you need to hear it. People don't often think about the shame they might inflict upon the mother. Research shows discipline was the most common source of criticism, I know being too lenient is something I definitely worry about. Next is food choices and as a Mother of an extremely fussy eater, being told that I should give her fewer snacks when its all I can get her to eat sticks in my mind. Next is sleep, the one we're most sensitive about, sleep deprivation, basically a form of torture that makes us unable to think rationally.
We have so much chatter now coming from every angle we don't know what is best for our children anymore. We don't know how to make decisions without asking Alexa, checking google, asking our Mums, and then contacting a WhatsApp group and then a Facebook forum just to be left feeling even less sure of ourselves and more drained by the end of it.
We have all scrolled the internet desperately at 3 am when we are at our most exhausted and fragile and been left feeling like we're doing it completely wrong. I've had multiple conversations with friends about their judgy NCT groups, personally at 6 months I made a French exit as I couldn't hear any more about breastfeeding.
2 kids in I'm a lot more relaxed with my choices and fortunate to have a good circle of friends who I can be completely myself around. I still feel judged at times, but I believe I'm a good Mum. Not a perfect one, but an honest one who admits when I'm wrong and does her best (with the help of screen time and snacks). I don't follow people on social media who make me feel bad about myself and I tell my friends or family if they say something that upsets me. Just know it's normal to feel judged, sometimes it's harder to ignore but the best thing to do is to talk to someone you trust and if it is getting overwhelming seek some professional help.