Remembering my old life when I used to work 8 hours a day, maybe an hour in the gym in the morning a few days a week, have a night out with my mates without it being a military operation and still feel tired a lot of the time seems crazy now, but that was all of our reality. Now dinner when the kids are in bed feels like a luxury, (when I can be bothered to cook twice). I told a friend the other day I like to have dinner when the kids are in bed and she reminded it’s better to help the kids learn to eat well if you all eat together. The fact that I had breakfast and lunch with my children isn’t enough, as mothers we always feel like we can be doing more. That pressure to be everything for our kids all the time comes from every direction, and as a second time Mum it’s easier to bat it off, but first time round the noise was so loud.
I know how overwhelming the pressure can be to never make time for ourselves. In my house there’s always more washing to put away, there’s always a bottle that needs sterilising or something I need to order from Amazon, even when the kids are asleep, so switching off my brain is something I’m hoping meeting other mothers and sharing stories will help.
“It’s not benefiting our children to put ourselves last long term, because we’re modelling that to them.”
I want to create a space to remind Mums that we don’t need to be everything for our child. I’m so grateful for grandparents and nursery and iPad and nap-time, I couldn’t parent without them. I know I am not enough, I’m a human and I have bad days and get burnt out and ill, I can’t do it all but a lot of the time I try and a lot of the time I feel I’m failing.
It’s also important to remember we had a life we often loved before children and it’s ok to still want to have that and to miss that. My goal is to find a way to fit my children into that, in a way that will makes that life even better. My daughter loves it when we have a party, she loves dancing with my friends and socialising and I’ve missed that so much during lockdown. I also love going to a restaurant child free and being able to eat an uninterrupted meal I haven’t had to cook and won’t have to clean up. I know I don’t ever really relax until I’m away from my kids, when I’m with them I’m on. That’s why in this space you are more than welcome to not bring your kids, ideally I will do some evening groups going forward if you can lean on the other parent/grandparent and have a night off to make sometime for you that is my ultimate goal. I’m a trained counsellor so I know the power of giving ourselves that time to offload.
I want this to be a space where we ask each other how we are before asking how our children are. A space to give us back our identities, we're not just mothers and we are important too. I feel for so many mothers we are trying to create these perfectly well balanced children but we have no balance in our lives.
